League Update

Breadcrumb Trail Caught in Time Rift

Having recently made the treacherous voyage across the Sea of Claws to Albion, Wasteland Skaven team The Breadcrumb Trail were looking forward to improving their skills in the latest Blood Bowl league. Their first fixture was against the human team 'Scissor Sisters' and head coach Reegesk Pitspine (a familiar name to long-time Blood Bowl fans) was hopeful. After some pre-match delays caused by an unfamiliar stadium, the humans kicked off, but it soon became evident that both sides' players were rather out of practice. A midfield punch-up ensued, something a neophyte Skaven team never looks forward to, during which a curious mist descended on the teams. Through the fog, Gutter Runner Itzit of Clan Eshin managed to score for the Skaven, making a spirited dash for the endzone. The humans couldn't find a way through the Skaven defence for the rest of the match. The Breadcrumb Trail capitalised midway through the second half by extracting the ball from a scrum and throwing it long to the awaiting Itzit for a second touchdown. The bizarre fog remained.

As the teams were leaving the pitch, head coach Pitspine looked at his warpstone pocketwatch and was amazed to discover that five hours had passed! It seems that the mysterious mist had deleteriously affected time in such a way that the match had taken twice as long as usual. Indeed, many of the 11,000 fans could be found dozing gently in their seats; others had quietly expired of boredom. Pitspine himself was noticeably upset, explaining to reporters that he had now missed a dinner appointment at a popular local cheese restaurant and commenting "I could have played a game of Die Macher in less time!" The Skaven skulked off...

The team's second fixture was an impromptu match against 'The Warriors', a Norse team of some repute. This correspondent has reason to believe that the match only took place as an excuse for the Norse coach to avoid other responsibilities; of course, the Skaven could not resist playing such a cheesy team. The strange haze once again descended upon kick-off, dragging play out for the Norsemen and seemingly tempting the Skaven into unconsciousness. In interview later, Pitspine revealed his suspicions that the Norse coach may have been responsible for creating the mist, or hiring a bearded northern shaman to do so, but these claims remain unsubstantiated. Whatever the source was, it had a remarkable effect on the Skaven game, unsettling the players and making them forget what they had learned in training.

They managed to pull together a reasonable defence in the first half, with the help of a pit trap dug by a bribed groundsman (later eaten). The Norsemen were unable to score on their offensive drive, but had taken so many Skaven off the pitch that a reasonable offence in return seemed unlikely. And so it was to prove, with every minute ticking ponderously by another rat would leave the field. A quick retaliation attempt here and there had little effect as the Warriors made their leisurely way towards the Breadcrumb Trail endzone.

With time still left in the second half, the Skaven made a swift retreat and scuttled out of the stadium back to their underground lair, accompanied by a flurry of bickering and foul language. It is believed they were attempting to call upon the powers of the Verminlord Sulk. Meanwhile, the Norsemen carried on regardless, beating up members of the crowd in the absence of any Skaven, their berserker rage giving them scant concern for touchdowns. Pitspine was disappointed: "It's nothing like the frenetic pace I'm used to," the MA11 ex-Gutter Runner with Sprint remarked later. "I can think of better things I'd rather spend my time on, like having my fangs extracted."

We contacted noted Imperial anthropozoologist, Doktor Attenburg, to see if he could shed more light on the Skaven behaviour. He told us, "Skaven are comparatively short-lived creatures, even before they embark on a career in Blood Bowl. They are mostly unaccustomed to spending a long time on any given activity. In particular, the young and impetuous Skaven who make up the majority of their race's Blood Bowl players are manic and fast-paced in everything they do. Forcing them to slow down can cause them to falter and this can be their downfall."

At the time of press, Pitspine's intentions as to the future of the team were unclear.

- Report by Rich Pingree